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It'll hurt even more because you'll think, "If no one wants me , after all this, how could anyone ever?

" (Find out why getting rejected is critical to the process.) My advice to Jen was to keep doing what she was doing: Staying active, eating well, and reaching out, setting up dates, meeting people wherever she goes.

If you're holding off on dating until you've lost the weight, bought better clothes, or are a brilliant future version of yourself, you've set the worst goal ever. You may think you'll be shinier, cooler, or more desirable in the future, but really what you're saying is that you don't think anyone could like you now. She was admittedly on the heavy side but had never kept it a secret or masked it in her online profile.

You're not an Apple product set to launch sometime next year. A woman named Jen wrote to ask me if she should stop dating until she achieved her goal weight.

But I was bored, and he liked Mexican food, and it was easy—until one night I opened my big, stupid mouth and asked why he thought we weren’t more compatible with one another? ” He looked at me with a straight face and said “Thin and blonde with big boobs … That may be many guy's “ideal,” but for him to have the audacity to sit in my apartment and tell me, no thank you, he was holding out for someone blonder and bustier … I rarely hear my girlfriends describe the guys we date as thin or chubby or overweight, but size is one of the first descriptors that guys use—and that fuels my deepest fears. ) and physically I am a completely different person.Before the dramatic weight loss, I didn’t really go out to try to find dates.Which is not very serviceable at my age.) I watch friends of mine find partners and I feel like they’ve been given access to a manual that will only be open to me if … I’ve always been heavier than normal, but after maintaining in the 12–14 range for a long while, through all the teenage and twentysomething trips to Weight Watchers and ambient sucking-up of information that I don’t even want to read from the beauty-industrial complex, I have landed in that gray area where the top of “regular” sizing and the bottom of “plus” sizing overlap. “I’ll lose the weight,” I think sometimes, “and that will make people less repelled by me.” But I have trouble exercising because my schedule is unpredictable and sometimes I need to be working for unbroken stretches to tackle big projects.I have spent most of my dating-age life hoping to ignore my corporeal self in the hopes that it’ll go away, somehow, or that my other characteristics — my wit! And in my darker moments (which often come after I screw up my regime in some way), I despair and think that I’ll never lose it because what’s the point.

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I didn’t know how to explain the guilt I felt about starting this whole new chapter of my life as an adult who he didn’t live to meet. “But it kind of feels like leaving him behind.” The last time I saw my father, when I was eleven years old, we said goodbye after a weekend together at a diner called Hamburger Mary’s.

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